The Cities Inside Us
by MusicForWords
Summary: What happens when Beckett has finally come to terms with her feelings, however situations and people just seem to keep getting in the way. Based off the 4x20 promo. SPOILERS!


We live in secret cities

And we travel unmapped roads.

We speak words between us that we recognize

But which cannot be looked up.

They are our words.

They come from very far inside our mouths.

You and I, we are the secret citizens of the city

Inside us, and inside us

0-0-0-0-0-00-0-0-0-0-0

He was anxious today, his leg was bouncing and his fingers drumming rhythmically against her desk, not that this was anything new to Beckett after the three years of getting use to his stalking.

But any time she asked him what was up, he'd stop cold like a ghost passed through him, a glazed look shielded over his eyes and he'd reply with a short answer. His anxious ticks would halt for a while before picking up again not long after.

It was amazing that Beckett got anything done with him in frenzy like this all day. However, the case moved along, just like any other day at the precinct.

At 12:30 exactly, the elevator doors swung open and out stepped a women with a head full of perfect blonde curls that ended just so you could look at her full chest which was squeezing out of her short pink dress.

Castle's head whipped around and once he saw the women he immediately stood, with a grin that suddenly appeared from cheek to cheek.

Beckett watched quietly as Castle bounced over to the blonde bimbo and enveloped her into a giant hug. Jealousy bubbled under her skin, or maybe anger, she wasn't sure which.

Castle and the girl chatted for a few minutes, both letting out a loud laugh every so often.

Esposito and Ryan both looked over at Beckett for any nod of approval, but all they got in return was a shrug and a shake of her head.

Castle jogged back to where the trio was sitting, "My lunch date is here." He said smiling excitedly as he grabbed his keys and jacket. Rushing back to the busty blonde, he turned and added "tell me if you find anything interesting!"

And he was out the door, the girl hanging from his arm like he was her savior. But he wasn't.

A moment of silence passed between the three before Beckett let out an exasperated "what the hell was that?"

"By the looks of it, boss, I think Castle just ditched us for a date." Esposito pointed out, still staring at the closed elevator doors like the other two.

After last week, she had noticed he had been acting _funny_, more like different. It was hard to pin point but he just wasn't _Castle._

She'd been trying to figure out what it was for days now, why he seemed like he was avoiding her at all costs. Beckett even went out and bought top notch cherry body wash because of the fear she was having a deathly odor she didn't even know about.

Fortunately a deathly odor wasn't keeping him away. The guys and the captain talked to her, so it wasn't that she smelled. Yet, Castle would still go missing throughout the day; and he wouldn't jump in with her while they were theorizing like he always use too.

But the things she noticed most were the tiniest; like that he didn't wait for her at the end of the day. He didn't wait to give her coffee directly to her, sometimes he would give it to Esposito or Ryan to give to her, or just leave it on her desk while she was out. He was just so, _off._

It's probably because he's dating now. _I mean, why else would he avoid you like the plague?_ Beckett thought.

Just the idea of him dating someone else sent anger racing through her veins. It's not like they were or had ever dated, yet she couldn't stop the feelings that were clashing inside of her.

"I'm going to the gym; I'll be back in 30 minutes or so." Beckett said quickly, pushing off from the desk and grabbed her gym bag from underneath. The need to burn off steam seemed utterly important at this moment.

She never actually made it to the gym. Instead she sat in the bathroom stall, waiting for the emotions inside her to settle down enough so she could actually clear her head.

Once she was semi-under control she left the restroom and went back to work on the current case. Sitting right back down with the guys, staring at the leadless murder board.

Sometime later, Castle came bounding back into the precinct. Happiness oozed out of him, circling around his atmosphere too. That same _damn_ smile must have never faltered from his face.

He greeted the team, and they answered with a wordless nod. Beckett waited a few seconds before asking "how was your lunch?" She tried to play it off cool, like it was talking about the weather, but the look that Esposito gave her told her that it definitely didn't come out that way.

Castle, obviously not hearing it, replied with a quick glance at his team "oh, I _love_ the special."

"I'll bet," Beckett's stated her voice dripping in sarcasm. Okay, so maybe she wasn't _great_ at keeping her feelings in check.

"What was that?" Castle asked, his eye brows furrowing.

"Oh nothing, I'm sure you must have had a wonderful time."

"I did, thank you Detective," At that was the end of the discussion. No gushing details, no gossip, nothing. Not that Kate wanted to know every detail or anything… Oh who was she kidding?

Esposito and Ryan shared a knowing glance; mom and dad were fighting again but something was different. There was no sexual tension, at least from one end.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Kate and Lanie had clicked immediately back when they both started working on the force. Two strong, independent women doing stereotypical man jobs, obviously a fast friendship had occurred.

But for all the years that Lanie knew Kate, never once did Beckett actually call her up and ask for a girl's night.

Something was up.

There were three hard wraps at the door, a moment, then "Kate Beckett you open this goddamn door now, or I swear I'll huff and puff and blow it down myself."

The door swung open, and there stood Beckett in a large blue t-shirt and yoga pants. "Big bad wolf huh?" She asked with a smile

"You bet your ass I am." Lanie pushed right on passed, carrying multiple large bottles of wine, setting them down in the kitchen.

"Jesus, Lanie, I said girl's night. Not drink the entire Hudson in wine!" Beckett joked as she watched an old friend walk around her kitchen like it was her own.

"Do you know in all the years we've been friends, you've never once asked for a girl's night? I mean, here, at your apartment, you've never called one."

"Well… I mean, I-"

"Cut the bullshit. Whatever this is is important, and it probably deserves a lot of wine. So I was being a fricken girl scout here and coming prepared. It was like the platinum rule." Lanie set two wine glasses out, tipped the bottle and the red liquid flowed graciously into both of the glasses.

"You were a girl scout?" Beckett joked, a smile crossing her face.

"I'd loosely call define it as actually _being_ a girl scout. However, stop avoiding the real reason I'm here." Lanie said, handing Beckett her wine glass.

"It's complicated…" Beckett sighed and took a sip, giving in to her best friend's pressure.

"It's Castle."

Beckett sank into her couch, everything in her gut twisted and clenched at the mention of his name. The rest of their day, after the unexpected lunch date, went the same as the days before: the avoiding, blank stares, cold and short replies to every question.

"I don't know what to do. Last week, everything was fine, and then all of a sudden it's like he can't even be near me, can't stand working with me. And today, he shows up with some blonde Barbie and goes off on a lunch date!" Beckett explains and takes another sip. Lanie was right; the wine was a wonderful idea.

"So…?" Lanie trailed off, leaving room for Beckett to fill.

"What do you mean so…?" Beckett said, standing up so she could pace. She turned and faced Lanie who was sitting on the couch. "He's different, like he's pulling away. I don't like it."

"Hun, isn't it obvious? He's tired of waiting." Lanie stated easily and simply, taking a slow sip from her glass.

"He can't just do that though! Just become a whole new guy at such a random time. I mean where is _my _Castle? " Beckett replied, swishing the wine around in the glass.

"Your Castle? It wasn't like you had a monopoly over him; he was fair game to any women that walked his way. However he never tried for any women because he was still chasing you. But now he's tired of the chase for you. That man was so in love with you and you the same for him." Beckett tried to protest, but Lanie kept going, "but I don't think he wanted to wait around forever to make up your mind."

Beckett sank back into her couch, Lanie was right. The day of the funeral, the day of the shooting, she remembered so clearly the way he pushed her hair out of her face and whispered "Kate, I love you."

It was too much; she couldn't take it, so she had to send it him away. There was no other way that they could go about his words without ruining everything they had. So when he asked, Beckett acted like she never remembered a thing.

But now, was that decision coming back to haunt them?

"I'm just… scared." Beckett admitted softly, "of it all ending badly, of getting hurt."

"Scared? Kate this man-" Lanie began but was cut off by the shrill ring of Beckett's phone.

She took the call, and looked sheepishly at her friend. "A body dropped, downtown. We've got to cut this short."

Lanie's phone then began to fill the room. She was also being paged for the same body.

"I'll meet you there okay? This conversation isn't over." Lanie said as she quickly shuffled out the door, leaving the full wine glasses on the tables.

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Detective Beckett waited in her cruiser for Lanie then jumped out as soon as the medical examiners car parked just down the street.

Walking over to the sassy African American, Beckett asked, "What do _you_ think I should do?"

Lanie shook her head, "I think you should make a move, especially before it's too late."

"You think I should tell him how I feel?" Beckett asked as she stepped underneath the yellow tape. It seemed so easy, but it was next to impossible it felt like.

A car streaked down the street and came to a sudden halt right in front of them. An expensive red, drop top car, with a famous writer and the same busty blonde from earlier today laughing, both dressed in club attire stood up and got out.

Beckett felt her anger spike at the sight of them. _How dare he,_ she thought.

Lanie nodded towards the car and couple, and said "Maybe you should wait a bit."

_Damn,_ always something was getting in their way.


End file.
